What a Sideline of Nine-Year-Olds Taught Me About Leading

Head coaching a 7-on-7 flag football team of third to fifth graders taught me more about leading than I expected. Say less, bring the energy, and lose well.
This fall I have spent my Saturday mornings at Toms River Intermediate North as head coach of the JR Cowboys, a 7-on-7 flag football team of third to fifth graders. I coach alongside my soon-to-be brother-in-law. He runs the offense and I run the defense, which works out well, since we both get to be right about something. Kickoff is usually 8 a.m. We ask the kids to be there 30 minutes early. Most of them are.

I lead teams for a living. I assumed this would be easy. It is not.

## We started with no playbook

When the season began, we had no playbook. So we built one, designed around the league's rules for kids this age. No blocking. A five-count before anyone can rush the quarterback. Runs only on a handoff. And frozen zones near each end zone and at midfield, where you have to pass.

Those rules turned out to be the best coaching tool we had. They force every play to be about spacing, timing, and getting open. Nobody can just run over anybody.

## Lesson one: say less

A nine-year-old in a huddle can hold about one instruction. Maybe two. Every time I tried to explain three things, I got zero. So the plays got simpler, the names got sillier, and the kids got better.

I have run plenty of meetings that would have gone better with that rule.

## Lesson two: energy is the job

My favorite moment of the season came against one of the best teams in the league. On paper, we should not have won. But our kids played lockdown defense. Flags came off, passes got broken up, and every time they stopped a drive you could see them believe a little more. We beat them. As the defensive coach, I am not sure I have ever been prouder of a group of people I manage, and I manage adults for a living.

Kids read your face before they hear your words. If I look worried, they play worried. If I look like we are having fun, they play loose. Adults are not much different.

## Lesson three: losing well is a skill

As I write this we are 4-1, which I will happily take. But we do not win every week, and the one loss taught as much as the wins. What I care about is what happens after. Shake hands, pick up the cones, talk about one thing that went right. The kids who learn that at nine will be fine at thirty.

## The real reason I do it

I could tell you it is all about character and life lessons, and some of it is. But I will be honest. I like to win. I always have. The best part of these Saturdays is watching a group of nine-year-olds figure out that they like to win too, and that winning comes from doing the boring stuff right.

The regular season wraps on October 24, and then we head into the playoffs. Defense travels, and so does belief. I like our chances.